What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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