I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
