so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
