no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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