I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
