the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
