dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
