He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
