I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize