So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
