i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
