thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
