is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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