wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
