I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
