I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
