so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
