He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
