Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
