So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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