I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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