It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
