I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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