I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
