Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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