Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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