i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize