I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
