I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
