We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
