but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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