I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
