I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
