There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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