the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
