Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
