Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
