He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
