He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
