Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
