i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we're so committed to being not committed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
