A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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