I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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