He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
