you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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