Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
