I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
