the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize