Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
