Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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