i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
