It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
