I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
