yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
