Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
