The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
