An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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