Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
