she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
