Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
