careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
