Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
50% drunk capacity currently
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I supernannyed him into submission
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
