:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
