my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
