if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
