I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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