Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
